FADE IN:

INT. RADIO STATION/STUDIO - DAY

ABEL JOHNSON, a well-built 33-year-old man with tremendous room presence, is shaking a can of whipped cream off to the side of the studio in front of a bent over BLONDE WOMAN in a pink bikini who is moaning like she's trying out for a porn movie.

The blonde woman turns back to Abel.

BLONDE WOMAN
Spray your cream on me. I want it so
bad.

The whipped cream can is shaken by Abel a few more times.

The tip of the can hovers over the blonde woman's lower back and then dispenses its cream all over her.

The blonde woman reaches back and swipes some whipped cream with her index finger. She sticks her finger in her mouth, eating the cream.

Abel spreads the whipped cream around her lower back.

Lisa, Abel's producer who is in her early 30s and appears to be a very responsible hard worker, holds the door open to the studio and motions for the blonde woman to get a move on.

LISA
You're done. C'mon. Get your stuff.
Let's go.

The blonde woman clutching her clothes and a blue towel runs out past Lisa, who then enters the studio moving toward her left.

We ENTER the studio and PAN over to the right side of the studio where we SEE ANGIE, a sexy-looking sophisticated 35-year-old who has a crush on Abel, sitting at her work area with her headphones on and face right in front of the microphone.

Next to her is NICK, a slightly aloof guy in his late 20s, who has a mound of crumpled napkins mixed in with empty pretzel and potato chip bags to the side of him.

We STOP on Abel, who is sitting at the main console across from Angie and Nick.

Lisa places a set of headphones on Abel and then hands him some paper towels before leaving (SOUND EFFECT).

INSERT - ON AIR LIGHT

As it goes on.

BACK TO SCENE

ABEL
Whoo, that was fun.

NICK
We used and abused that woman.

ABEL
Yeah, I feel a little dirty.

ANGIE
You should. You still have whipped cream
on your hands.

Abel finishes wiping his hands and tosses the paper towels aside.

ABEL
Well, what did you think I was talking
about, Angie?

NICK
I feel very dirty... and hungry.

ABEL
Wanna lick it off?

Abel holds up his clean hands.

ANGIE
When aren't you hungry?

NICK
I'm not hungry enough to eat food off of
a guy's hands.

ANGIE
Really? Is that so? Abel, I think we've
got ourselves a challenge here. Let's
send Nick to an island for a week with no
food.

ABEL
Yeah, and we'll airlift a guy in with
cotton candy wrapped around his hands.

ANGIE
Forget that. We could probably just put
mustard on his fingers at that point and
Nick'll eat 'em like hot dogs.

NICK
Well, so long as the mustard isn't going
on HIS hot dog...

We hear a RIM SHOT trumpeting Nick's one-liner.

ABEL
Whoa, Nick the Quick.

ANGIE
That's what his girlfriends say.

ABEL
Let's see what the listeners thought.
Chuck, what's the verdict on our last
victim?

Abel hits a button on the board.

CHUCK (V.O.)
You've got a gift, Abel. How the hell do
you always get women to do that stuff?
You gotta write a book so we can learn.

ABEL
Well, girls love whipped cream, sir.
What can I say? It's a proven scientific
fact.

ANGIE
Yeah, I believe Einstein proved that with
his e=wc squared formula. "WC" being
whipped cream in this case.

NICK
I love that formula. That's where you're
guaranteed to get an erection if you have
two women with whipped cream on 'em,
right?

ABEL
If only Einstein had proven that, then
there'd be no need for Viagra.

NICK
Then whipped cream would cost a fortune.

ANGIE
Would I need a prescription to buy that,
too?
(to Abel)
And what's with you always bringing up
Viagra? Is that a hint there? Something
happening with the plumbing?

ABEL
No, I just can't stand that a corporation
and not women are getting so much money
for getting guys aroused. And it's legal
for the drug makers, but not the hookers.
I still need a ruling on that. How does
that make any sense?

NICK
You're old school, man.

ABEL
Yeah, I'm for hookers not drugs. It's
always been hookers. It should always be
hookers. It's just more natural than
taking drugs.

ANGIE
Enough beating around the bush.

SOUND EFFECT highlighting Angie's pun (motorized hedge clippers?).

ANGIE (CONT'D)
What's going on with the old plumbing
there?

ABEL
I just said girls love whipped cream,
Ang. There's nothing wrong with my
plumbing. Okay? Just ask my wife.

ANGIE
Yeah, okay. That's why she has a Pez
dispenser of Viagra on the nightstand.

NICK
(laughing uncontrollably)
She has a Viagra dispenser like Pez?
That's hysterical. Is the top of it like
the tip of a penis?

ABEL
Yeah, it's my penis Pez.

NICK
Penis Pez. You've got penis Pez?

ANGIE
Now, that's really hard candy.

They all laugh for a bit.

ABEL
Okay, okay. Enough with the plugs for
Viagra. Let's get back to Chuck. So,
Chuck, just to summarize, we didn't go
overboard as Nick had thought, right?

CHUCK (V.O.)
No way. You were right on the board.
Say, can I plug a website that my...

Abel hits a button on the console disconnecting Chuck (SOUND EFFECT).

ABEL
No plugs. Unless you got some drugs.

ANGIE
I thought it was jugs?

ABEL
Oh, right. Thanks, Angie. I already
forgot about that pro-hooker anti-drug
rant. I'll never get the laws changed in
this country.

ANGIE
Ugh, and you were so close. The
lawmakers were in the middle of writing
it into law as we were talking.

ABEL
Yeah. Let's see what Kane thinks. Kane,
what do you got?

Abel hits another button on the console.

INSERT - ABEL'S FINGER

As it hits a button on the console.

BACK TO SCENE

There is dead air for a second.

ABEL (CONT'D)
Kane, you there?

KANE (V.O.)
I don't think you can be funny without
demeaning women.

Nick and Angie let out a roar.

ABEL
Sir, I'm funny all the time, and I only
demean women at best a quarter of my
show. So, what are you talking about?

NICK
I was thinking more like three-eighths.

ANGIE
I had a third by my last count.

KANE (V.O.)
Then, why do it, man? It's cheap humor
at the expense of innocent women.

ABEL
Whoa, they're not so innocent. They know
what they're getting into when they come
into my studio. They're more wild and
open than you think.

KANE (V.O.)
All women were someone's little daughter
at some point in time, Abel. Don't you
have any respect for that?

NICK
This is like talking to your conscience,
for Christ's sake. Lighten up, dude.

ANGIE
Really.

ABEL
You guys are all the same. Trying to
garner sympathy by bringing my little
girl into it. These women know exactly
what they're doing.

KANE (V.O.)
No. You set the stage. You rig it. You
manipulate them into taking their clothes
off. You sweet talk them into doing
degrading things.

ABEL
Now you're making it sound like I make
porn or something. If you're offended or
think what I do is obscene, my friend,
then don't listen.

KANE (V.O.)
I knew you'd bring that up, Abel. You
defend yourself with that every time.
Let's see how easy it is to take that
advice. See if you can stop listening to
this...

Abel is about to hit the hang up button.

INSERT - ABEL'S FINGER

As it just touches a button on the console, but stops from pressing it.

BACK TO SCENE

KANE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Juliet. Juliet, sweetheart, come to the
phone and say hello to daddy.

ABEL
Sir, you are one sick bastard to even
bring...

JULIET (V.O.)
Daddy?

Abel is stunned and concerned that it sounds like his daughter.

ABEL
Juliet? Is that you, baby?

JULIET (V.O.)
Yep, it's me, Daddy. Hi.

ABEL
Uh... Hey, baby girl. Umm... What are
you uh... Uh... Juliet?

JULIET
Yeaahhh.

ABEL
Um, hang on a sec, okay?

Abel flips off his microphone. (SOUND EFFECT)

INSERT - ABEL'S FINGER

As it hits another button on the console.

BACK TO SCENE

ABEL (CONT'D)
Lisa, get my wife on the phone.

NICK
Is that your daughter, Abel?

ANGIE
Is that really her?

Completely disregarding Nick and Angie's questions, Abel turns his mike back on. (SOUND EFFECT)

KANE (V.O.)
Do I have your attention? Or would you
rather listen to another station? Or do
you want to just turn me off?

ABEL
No, no. You have my attention.

Nick and Angie are speechless.

Lisa comes in and motions for Abel to answer the phone.

ABEL (CONT'D)
What's your plan of action here, Kane?

Abel flips off his mike (SOUND EFFECT) and bends down to answer the phone as Kane TALKS in the background. HAVE KANE SPEECH IN B.G.

Abel puts the phone up to his tension-filled face.

ABEL (CONT'D)
Barbara?

Abel listens attentively.

ABEL (CONT'D)
She's playing with Susie? Did you call
over there?... Fine, fine. Call her on
your cell right now. Right now!

Abel hangs up the phone.

INSERT - THE PHONE

As it is being hung up.

BACK TO SCENE

Abel leans back up to the mike and flips it on (SOUND EFFECT).

ABEL (CONT'D)
Sir, you better not be messing with me.
That better be your daughter.

KANE (V.O.)
You finding out, Abel? Or maybe you'd
like to ask her a secret question that
only she would know the answer to. Then
you'd know, wouldn't you?

Tears are starting to well up in Abel's eyes as he is beginning to believe.

Lisa grabs the phone, listens for a second and then hands it to Abel.

Abel puts the phone to his ear without turning off the mike.

ABEL
Well...
(going hysterical)
What do you mean she can't find them?!
How does she leave them alone outside to
play without keeping an eye on them?!

Abel is starting to have a bit of trouble breathing.

ABEL (CONT'D)
Uh-huh. They always come back? Well,
what if she's wrong this time?! That
stupid, mother... I gotta go, honey.

Abel slams the phone down.

INSERT - PHONE

As it is slammed down.

BACK TO SCENE

Abel turns and looks up at the microphone in scorn.

He slowly rises up to the microphone.

INSERT - KANE

On his cellphone.

BACK TO SCENE

ABEL (CONT'D)
Sir, if you really have my daughter, I
strongly urge you to bring her here to
the studio unharmed and I promise I won't
press charges or do anything crazy to
you.

KANE (V.O.)
Will you let me come on the air and have
some plugs?

ABEL
What?!

KANE (V.O.)
I'm just going along with your program,
Abel. The only way you get things is by
offering plugs or cash. Well, I have
some things to offer your little
girl...to get her to do some stuff... for
the show.

ABEL
(losing it)
Is that really her?!

KANE (V.O.)
Ask her the secret question. I'm sure
you have one.

Abel regains his composure a bit.

ABEL
Put her on the phone.

JULIET (V.O.)
Hi, Daddy.

ABEL
Hey, baby. Don't be afraid. Daddy's
just going to ask you a question. Answer
it truthfully. It's very important.
Okay?

JULIET (V.O.)
Okay, Daddy.

ABEL
(about to break down)
What is the sky made of?

JULIET (V.O.)
Cotton candy and water. When it used to
be blue. Right, Daddy?

Abel can't speak for a moment. His heart has dropped out of his body.

ABEL
You have a problem with my show. That's
one thing. To take my child from me...
You better not harm her... or touch her
in any way, you son of a bitch.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

The living room is very dark around the edges. There almost appears to be just a spotlight on Juliet, a cute little blonde 6-year-old girl wearing a pink top and blue jeans as she sits on a couch licking a lollipop and watching TV.

A shadow of a MAN (KANE) paces behind the couch and Juliet as he talks on his cell phone.

KANE
I don't plan on doing anything to her
that you don't do to the women who come
on your show. And there's nothing wrong
with that. Is there, Abel? It's just
harmless fun as you say. Right?

INTERCUT - BETWEEN THE STUDIO AND THE LIVING ROOM.

Abel scribbles something on a piece of paper with a black marker.

ABEL
I get your point.

Abel holds up the piece of paper to Lisa.

911 is written on it.

Lisa bolts out of the studio.

KANE
No, no. You don't get off that easy.
And I don't believe you.

FOCUS from Kane to a crucifix or cross on the wall.

KANE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Want some candy, Juliet?

Kane holds up a bag of candy like M&M's and tosses away Juliet's lollipop.

JULIET
No. I want the lollipop.

Juliet points to where the lollipop was thrown.

KANE
I thought you might say that. Well, how
about a brand new lollipop?

Kane holds up a lollipop in front of Juliet's face. She gets all excited.

JULIET
Yeah!

KANE
Yeah. Mmmm-huh. It's good. Can you say
"mmmmmm?"

JULIET
Mmmmmm.

KANE
Now say, "ahhhhh."

JULIET
Ahhhhhh.

KANE
Okay, now let's put 'em together.
Mmmmmmm-ahhhhh. Mmmmmm-ahhhhhh.

JULIET AND KANE
(in unison)
Mmmmmmmm-ahhhhhhhh.

Abel is glaring at his microphone. His eyes are frozen open.

KANE (V.O.)
Okay, now I'm going to give you the
lollipop, but you have to keep making
those sounds while you SUCK IT and LICK
IT. Okay?

JULIET (V.O.)
Okay.

Juliet eats the lollipop while making the SOUNDS.

KANE (V.O.)
Those instructions sound familiar, don't
they, Abel? Ain't it cute how we can
play with words like that? How they have
double meanings... and add so much
visually.

Abel is steaming. Juliet continues making the SOUNDS in the background throughout --

KANE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Oh, you should see her licking this
lollipop. She's working it over. It's
hot.

Nick and Angie are as pale as ghosts.

Abel flicks off his mike (SOUND EFFECT) and turns to Lisa just as she walks in about to say something.

ABEL
Did you call the goddamn cops, yet?!
Where the hell are they?!

LISA
Yeah, I called 'em. They think it's a
hoax. They don't believe you. They said
you have no credibility after all the
stunts you've pulled.

Abel turns his mike back on in a rage.

INSERT - ABEL'S FINGER

As it forcefully strikes a button on the console.

BACK TO SCENE

ABEL
This is unbelievable! The fucking
police, ladies and gentlemen, won't help
me because they think I have no
credibility!
(beat)
I turn to you, my listeners, if anyone
knows this man and knows where my child
is I will give them anything to bring her
back to me safely. Anything.

KANE (V.O.)
That's touching, but does that include
me? 'Cause I plan on doing just that.

ABEL
Then stop this nonsense and bring her
here immediately!

KANE (V.O.)
Well, see, there you go again. This
isn't nonsense. If you're not going to
learn, then I'm going to have to keep
teaching.

ABEL
Teaching me what, you moron?!

KANE (V.O.)
Don't insult me now. I'm not a violent
person by nature, but you are good at
persuading people to do bad things,
aren't you, Abel?

Lisa shuts off Abel's mike.

INSERT - LISA'S FINGER

As it hits a button on the console.

BACK TO SCENE

HAVE KANE SPEECH IN B.G.

LISA
Play some spots.

ABEL
What?! You're worried about having to do
make-goods on the commercials at a time
like this? Are you nuts?!

LISA
No! So, we can figure out what to do.

NICK
For anyone who thinks this is a hoax,
this is the most real thing I've ever
been a part of.

ANGIE
Yeah. If you could only see Abel right
now, you'd know it wasn't a hoax.

LISA
Do you have any idea who this guy is?
A neighbor you had an incident with
recently? A parent of another child that
has a grudge? A relative?

ABEL
No.

Abel keeps shaking his head no as he continues to think.

LISA
What about one of our competitors? Do
you recognize his voice at all? Is there
anything we can do to get him to slip up
and reveal his identity?

NICK
You know, I could be crazy, but his voice
sounds a lot like an old character you
used to do, Abel.

ANGIE
Did you pre-record this, you son of a
bitch?! Is this a stunt? 'Cause it's
not funny, Abel!

ABEL
Are you crazy?! Do you think I would do
this to my daughter?! To myself?! To
you?!

NICK
He must be a long-time listener who's
just snapped.

ANGIE
Your daughter's so calm. She must know
this guy.

ABEL
I can't ask her who it is.

ANGIE
I know, but...

They're all quiet for a moment.

JULIET (V.O.)
I love whipped cream. Can I have some
more?

Abel perks up as he HEARS whipped cream being sprayed out of the can over the radio.

ABEL
(into the mike)
Did she just say, "I love whipped cream?"

KANE (V.O.)
(excited)
Yeah, ain't it great?

ABEL
Can I talk to my little girl? I just
want to make sure she's okay.

KANE
Yeah, I guess. But no funny business.
One stupid move and you'll never hear
from her again.

ABEL
I know. I know.

Juliet's eating ice cream with whipped cream on top of it as she takes the cell phone from Kane.

JULIET
Hey, daddy.

ABEL
Hey, baby. Are you eating ice cream?

JULIET
Uh-huh.

ABEL
And you're watching "The Simpsons?"

JULIET
Yeah. How did you know that, Daddy?

ABEL
I can kind of hear it in the background.

JULIET
It's the one where Moe baby sits Maggie.

ABEL
Oh, yeah. That's your favorite.

Abel seems a bit puzzled, yet suspicious of something.

ABEL (CONT'D)
Hey, baby, let me talk to Kane again.
Okay?

JULIET
Okay.
(to Kane)
Here.

Juliet hands the cell phone to Kane who takes it.

KANE
She's like a little grown up, Abel.
You're gonna have to be real careful with
her when she's older. Does that scare
you? Do you think it scared the father's
of the women that came into your studio?

Abel stands up and pulls the mike close to his lips.

ABEL
I know who you are, Kane.

KANE
That's impossible, Abel. There's no way
you could know who I am. You can't even
see me. You're practically blind over
there.

ABEL
Well, I've got a secret question for you
this time. You man enough to answer it?

KANE
I'm not the one hiding from the truth.

ABEL
Good. Then answer me this. What's your
dream, your ultimate goal in life? And
tell me the truth.

KANE
That's easy. To be a successful actor.
To have a home on both coasts. To have a
perfect family with two boys and two
girls who grow up well-adjusted.

ABEL
And I'm affecting this how?

KANE
You're losing all credibility, man. Even
the cops said so. You're pandering to
the lowest common denominator. You're
making me sick!

Abel flicks off his mike, sits down and bows his head in shame as if he is about to cry.

ANGIE (V.O.)
What's going on?

Abel looks up at the mike with tears in his eyes.

ABEL
Oh, my God.

Kane brushes his hand by Juliet's hair and then places his hand on her neck and shoulder as he comes around the side of the couch towards her.

KANE (O.S.)
Girls sure do love whipped cream.

Kane sits down and smothers/hugs Juliet.

JULIET
(pushing Kane away)
Daddy!

Kane plants a kiss on Juliet's cheek and then turns his head to reveal that he is... Abel.

ABEL (V.O.)
It's me?

Back in the studio, Abel is dumbfounded.

ABEL (CONT'D)
I'm Kane?

Still on the couch, Juliet pulls Abel's radio microphone from o.s. to the front of Kane/Abel's face.

ABEL AS KANE
It's about time you figured it out.

In the studio, glaring at the microphone, Abel pushes it away. As he wraps his hands behind his head and shuts his eyes as if going to sleep, we:

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. ABEL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - CLOSE ON ABEL'S EYES

As they pop open.

Abel is lying in bed in the dark flat on his back and breathing heavily.

Abel's forehead and cheeks are covered in perspiration.

Abel holds his heart with both hands to settle it down.

JULIET (O.S.)
Mom! Maaaa!

Abel's eyes turn to the side as the blanket moves and we HEAR Barbara getting out of bed and then shuffling her feet as she leaves the room.

Abel's eyes move back to center. He is still in a daze.

Abel wipes the sweat from his brow.

As he slowly closes his eyes like a curtain coming down at the end of a show, we:

FADE OUT.

THE END